Unfortunately, I had piano lessons as a child.

My mother, who could play well enough to fill in at church, noticed I enjoyed banging on the keys and, pretending I was playing a tune, singing along. So, she got me into the children’s choir at church and, later, piano lessons. It was the right thing to do; I showed interest, and what if I were a musical genius just waiting to be discovered?

I was not.

While I loved to sing, I hated singing in front of people. And it turns out, piano wasn’t for me.

Too bad I didn’t start piano lessons as an adult, using a piano made of sausages.

A German YouTuber hooked up sausages to a computer and, using them as keys, is able to play a tune on them. The inventor is calling the instrument a bockwurstklavier, or bockwurst piano.

I don’t know why he thought this would be a good idea. Of course, if your goal is to get attention, apparently it is a good idea.

It made me wonder, though, how far you could go making keyboards out of sausages.

Could you use Vienna sausages to make a child’s toy piano? Would the child end up eating the piano? Would the dog eat it first?

What kind of sausages would you use to make a xylophone? I’m guessing salami, because it’s hard and would stand up to being struck with mallets. A standard, German bratwurst would do for a glockenspiel.

How about an old-fashioned American hot dog organ? That would go over well at baseball games.

Corndogs must have a place in the orchestra, too, but I haven’t figured that out yet.

For cymbals, the obvious choice is sausage patties. But I digress; cymbals are percussion instruments with no keyboard, so it might be a story for a different kind of meat.

I thank the inventor of the bockwurst piano for reminding me of my struggles with learning piano. It wasn’t all in vain; I learned to read music and understand a few Italian words (none of them had anything to do with sausages). I also thank him for his innovative idea. It’s that kind of thinking that inspires me to greatness when I sit at my keyboard, which appears to be made of a rather hard plastic.

Which leads me to the next important question: What can be done with bacon?

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