By RONNIE ELLIS
CNHI News Writer
FRANKFORT ‘Tis the season, so here are tongue-in-cheek gifts for some we cover.
Too late for Hanukah gifts, but Lt. Gov. Jerry Abramson shouldn’t be left off our list, so how about the presidency of the Kentucky Community and Technical College System?
No lumps of coal in Gov. Steve Beshear’s stocking this year. He deserves sugar plums for joining with Congressman Hal Rogers to address the economic woes of eastern Kentucky and for trying to improve the health of our less fortunate neighbors. Let’s hope St. Nick also leaves some extra money for education under his tree. If that’s not possible, then maybe the jolly elf can provide a copy of George Harrison’s recording of “Taxman” — you know, just for ideas.
Rogers gets a full stocking for the SOAR effort but he’s feeling pretty blessed anyway now he actually has a budget number with which to work as he writes 13 appropriations bills.
Last year, we gave Sen. Mitch McConnell a miniature wood-chipper lapel pin to reflect his former chief of staff’s description of the way McConnell dismembers his political opponents. This year, we’d offer him the real thing. He’ll need some way to dispose of Obamacare after he’s pulled it out root and branch.
His campaign manager, Jesse Benton, needs some “Breathe Right Strips” in his stocking so he can free his hands and put them to useful work on McConnell’s campaign churning out those “Bailout Bevin” and “protect Christmas” emails.
Matt Bevin needs some whistles to go with his bells for his campaign and he could also use a good fourth quarter of fundraising so he can get on the airwaves and fight back.
Alison Lundergan Grimes needs some extra closet space for all those empty dresses the Republicans say she favors. Maybe she can find some extra time in her schedule as well to spend time talking issues with reporters.
Kentucky’s only Democratic member of Congress, John Yarmuth, is looking for playmates, but he’ll have to wait at least until next Christmas to find any. Republican Congressmen Andy Barr and Thomas Massie should find copies of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol.”
Sen. Rand Paul could use one of those too as he worries about the long-term unemployed but he’ll instead find a copy of the “MLA Style Book” so he’ll understand when and how to attribute quotes. If Santa thinks he’s been extra nice, Paul might also find an NAACP membership card.
Democratic House Speaker Greg Stumbo and Republican Minority Leader Jeff Hoover each get a new abacus to help them figure out how to get to 51. Stumbo famously favors cowboy boots for footwear, but he may need a set of waders as he explains away the inaction of the House Select Committee he appointed to investigate sexual harassment allegations.
We know what Agriculture Commissioner James Comer wants to find in his customized hemp fiber stocking: the 2015 Republican nomination for governor. On the other hand, he’s probably worried he’ll find a couple of lumps of coal left there by party bosses and Hal Heiner who also is hoping Santa delivers a gubernatorial nomination.
State Senate Majority Leader Damon Thayer, R-Georgetown, gets a toy wrecking ball so he can demolish “big Daddy government.” He’s also hoping for an invitation to appear again on The Daily Show, maybe this time to discuss legislation to make libraries beg magistrates for room at the inn.
What I genuinely hope you find in your own stocking is peace and good will and that you are surrounded by the warmth and love of family. God bless us every one. Merry Christmas.
RONNIE ELLIS writes for CNHI News Service and is based in Frankfort. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Follow CNHI News Service stories on Twitter at www.twitter.com/cnhifrankfort.
By RONNIE ELLIS
- Local News
News in brief, 07/31/14
About 450 marijuana plants were confiscated during an eradication effort in Lawrence County on Tuesday.
Painters finishing up work at ACTC
When Ashland Community and Technical College students return to campus Aug. 18, they will find fresh paint, clean windows and pressure-washed brickwork on the college’s original building on College Drive.
Night Moves on tap for First Friday
A chance to enjoy an evening run through the streets of Ashland will be among the things to do during the First Friday ArtWalk and Downtown Live for August from 5 to 9 p.m. Friday.
Fairview school district being investigated
State education investigators were scheduled to arrive in the Fairview school district this morning to interview school officials.
Advisory committee on landfill to meet
Members of the county’s new advisory committee regarding Big Run Landfill enforcement are encouraged to attend the group’s first meeting next week.
Committee facilitator Mike Clevenger of Cannonsburg said the panel will meet the first Monday of each month, starting next week. For now, all meetings will be at 6:30 p.m. at the Boyd County Community Center.
Highway dedicated in Morehead man’s name
During Wednesday morning’s highway dedication ceremony for late airman Daniel N. Fannin, 30, of Morehead, the man was honored as a Kentucky hero for dedicating his life to the U.S. Air Force until his untimely death last year.
Stumbo questions Noah’s Ark incentives, backs off on expanded gambling
Democratic Speaker of the House Greg Stumbo on Wednesday questioned the constitutionality of state incentives for a Noah’s Ark tourist attraction in Grant County.
Night Moves for First Friday
A chance to enjoy an evening run through the streets of Ashland will be among the things to do during the First Friday ArtWalk and Downtown Live for August in downtown Ashland from 5 to 9 p.m. Friday.
‘Arts in the Vines’ will be in conjunction with U.S. 60 Yard Sale
Offering a different taste of life in Carter County, the owners of RockSprings Winery are inviting locals and visitors to the U.S. 60 Yard Sale to spend some time in their vineyards during the first “Arts in the Vines” from noon to 6 p.m. Saturday.
Grimes zeroes in on women’s issues with latest ad
Democratic U.S. Senate candidate Alison Lundergan Grimes is out with a third television ad posing questions from Grimes’ supporters to Republican incumbent U.S. Sen. Mitch McConnell.
- More Local News Headlines
- News in brief, 07/31/14