The weird and the (sometimes) wonderful

Kenneth Hart/The Independent

January 01, 2009 04:01 pm

— While 2008 was devoid of Duct Tape Bandits, Staple Gun Stickup Guys and the like, the year still had no shortage of strange and offbeat stories that captured our attention.
The one that perhaps best captured the zeitgeist — that’s German for “spirit of the times” — of the year was an ongoing saga that actually began in 2007.
Two words: “The Rock.”
Many folks will think of a closed California prison or a professional wrestler turned actor when they hear those words. But, in our neck of the woods, they’ve come to symbolize the ongoing soap opera surrounding an 8-ton sandstone boulder that was dredged from the bottom of the Ohio River in July 2007.
Known as Indian Head Rock, the stone was raised by a team of rescue divers, pulled from the river with a crane and whisked away to the Portsmouth City Garage, where it remains today.
The rock was once a navigational marker and an attraction for local residents, who would walk out into the river and scratch their names on it when water levels were low. It’s said to have historical significance because of the carvings on it. Its removal from the river near South Shore touched off a war of words between lawmakers in Kentucky and Ohio, with Kentucky calling for the boulder to be returned to the commonwealth and Ohio vowing to resist any attempts to do so.
The simmering custody battle over the boulder came to a boil in June, when a Greenup County grand jury indicted Steven R. Shaffer of Ironton, the leader of the expedition to remove the rock, on a felony charge that could result in him being sentenced to five years in prison if he is convicted. A member of the dive team was later indicted on the same charge as Shaffer.
Shaffer’s trial is scheduled to begin Aug. 3 in Greenup Circuit Court.
Want D-Con with that?
Two former fast-food workers in Carter County were charged in January in what may have been the most bizarre crime of 2008.
Christopher D. Stephens of Olive Hill, a former employee of the Olive Hill McDonald’s, was charged with criminal attempt to commit murder for allegedly trying to kill Brent Valandingham by spiking his food with rat poison.
Patricia Renee Valandingham, also of Olive Hill, Brent Valandingham’s wife and Stephens’ co-worker at McDonald’s, was charged with criminal conspiracy to commit murder for allegedly assisting Stephens in the attempt on her husband’s life.
Stephens and Patricia Valandingham were involved in an “intimate relationship,” according to court records.
The alleged plot was foiled by another McDonald’s employee who reported Stephens put a foreign substance on the sandwich, police said.
Police also said there was never a public health threat at the McDonald’s and that the intended victim was never exposed to any toxic substances.
Cable TV violence
Elvis Presley supposedly once shot a TV set because he couldn’t find any shows on it he wanted to watch.
One wonders if Michael Porter was similarly miffed by what he saw as a lack of decent programming.
Porter, of South Shore, was indicted in January for allegedly shooting a TV cable in two, then going back and doing it again after the cable company fixed it.
The indictment alleged Porter fired a shotgun into a cable line owned by Time Warner Cable, causing $1,000 or more in damage.
After the line was repaired, Porter allegedly severed it again with another shotgun blast, the indictment states.
Speaking of The Bandit ...
The saga of the Duct Tape Bandit drew to a close in 2008.
Kasey Kazee of Ashland, who became an instant celebrity after robbing a liquor store with his head wrapped in the silver, sticky stuff in August 2007, pleaded guilty to one count of second-degree robbery and was sentenced to 10 years in prison.
At his final sentencing, Kazee’s lawyer, Brian Hewlett, delivered an impassioned speech in which he maintained the case was more tragedy than comedy.
Hewlett said Kazee had endured a hellish childhood that was rife with abuse by his mentally ill father, who is now institutionalized and lives under the delusion he is a secret agent hired by the Nazis to conduct covert missions in the U.S.
Hewlett said his client also suffers from mental illness and was off the medication he takes to control it the day he committed his infamous bungled robbery at Shamrock Liquors because he couldn’t pay for his prescription.
An unlikely duo
Relations between older folks and teens are often testy, to say the least.
Happily, though, that isn’t the case with Jessica Melvin and John Adkins.
Melvin, 16, a sophomore at Russell High School, and Adkins, 63, owner of The Framing Bird in Flatwoods, are teacher and student — in that order.
Once a month, the two get together at Adkins’ shop, where he receives violin lessons from Melvin.
Adkins said he’d always wanted to learn to play the instrument. He began taking lessons from Melvin — who started playing at 10 — after his regular instructor was forced to drop him.
Melvin is a member of the elite Chamber Orchestra at RHS and has played in concert halls in New York, Chicago and London. She said she’d never tried to teach anyone to play before, but accepted the challenge because she thought it would be “neat.”
Guitar homecoming
In another story with musical overtones, a historically valuable guitar that had gone missing was found in South Shore in May and returned to its rightful home in museum.
The instrument, an unfinished Gretsch Silver Jet, was reported stolen in Nashville. The prototype instrument was given to guitar innovator Ray Butts, who is now deceased, to enable him to carry out experimental work on the guitar’s magnetic pickups and circuitry.
Greenup County sheriff’s deputies Darrell McCarty and Larry Pancake began investigating the guitar’s whereabouts after receiving a call from Butts’ daughter. The Butts family has been searching for the guitar since it was stolen and immediately recognized the instrument by description after Butts’ son, Randy Butts, received a call from a South Shore man who was seeking components to get the instrument back in working order.
Can she sign autographs?
Boo Boo, the pocket-sized celebrity Chihuahua who makes her home in Raceland, attained worldwide celebrity status in 2008.
Boo Boo, who’s only 4 inches tall and is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s smallest dog, went on a whirlwind media tour that included appearances on the “Today” show, “Live With Regis and Kelly,” a Japanese variety show and “Oprah.”
Unlike Tom Cruise, Boo Boo didn’t make a fool of herself by jumping up and down on Oprah’s couch. However, she did manage to find an — ahem — comfortable place to rest.
“She snuggled right between (Oprah’s) breasts,” said Boo Boo’s owner, Lana Elswick. “I said ‘She likes your pillows,’ and Oprah said, ‘Boo Boo likes my boo boos.’ Then she gave her a drink of water out of a spoon.”
KENNETH HART can be reached at khart@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2654.

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