Published: October 02, 2007 06:09 am      

Domestic violence survivor: 'Let them come back'ck

Tells vigil attendees women need steady support to permanently break away

Ashland — Candy Goldie couldn’t leave her abusive husband because he said he’d kill her if she did.

And as he pointed a loaded gun at her face, she knew he was serious.

After 20 escape attempts and after suffering from dozens of injuries — ranging from broken bones to losing a breast after being punched in the chest — Goldie can now call herself a survivor.

At Safe Harbor of Northeast Kentucky’s 20th annual candlelight vigil on Monday, Goldie shared with the many who had gathered at the small fountain in Central Park some reasons why women stay in abusive relationships.

Apprehension about losing custody of their children or fear of the children coming to emotional harm are two of the top reasons women stay, she said. Having no source of income, lacking job skills and being without support from family members and friends are other reasons.

“Let them come back,” she said about the women who may have returned to their abusers and then left again, only to find supporters aren’t welcoming the women back with open arms any longer.

“Sometimes you have to leave more than once before it’s forever. Please, just let them come back,” Goldie said after acknowledging her grandmother for being the person who always let her come back when she was trying to leave her abuser.

Chief Rob Ratliff of the Ashland Police Department was the featured speaker at the event, which is conducted each year during Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Ratliff said the event was important because it brought together people and organizations with a common goal: to end domestic violence.

“Over 1 million domestic violence cases are reported in the U.S. each year,” he said. “The abuse goes beyond the physical and ends up being emotional and psychological.

“Some people think this type of violence only occurs within certain groups of people. However, domestic violence has affected all races, backgrounds, religions and relationships. And many times, children end up being the indirect victims.”

Ratliff shared some disturbing statistics with the audience. He said already this year, there have been 52 arrests made in domestic violence cases. That’s just five behind last year’s 57 arrests. And there are three more months to go, he said.

Putting a stop to the violence is not only important to the women who suffer this type of abuse, but also for responding police officers. More officers are assaulted or killed when responding to domestic abuse calls than any other call, Ratliff said.

“Historically, domestic violence has been considered a private issue. Because of that, we’ve let thousands of these cases happen,” he said. “Fortunately, we have laws now that allow us to arrest in these cases for misdemeanor crimes. The challenge for the future is to provide a safe community and to develop programs to help prevent violence before it occurs.”

After the group blew out candles around the fountain in recognition of domestic violence victims, Ann Perkins, director of Safe Harbor, said she was pleased with the turnout of community members, judges and city officials.

“You have represented the FIVCO area well,” Perkins said. “Until the violence stops, I hope you will continue to stay involved and collaborate to raise awareness in the community about the issue of violence against women.”

The shelter also honored a longtime volunteer, Rhonda Gannon, for her dedication to working with victims of domestic violence and awarded five men in the FIVCO area with White Ribbon Awards

The awards are designed to honor men who exemplify attitudes of respect toward women; who are committed to change and take action to make it happen; or who are simply examples of innovative thinking about what it means to be a man.

This year’s recipients were: Tom Hunter, bailiff for Boyd District Court; John Lyons, case specialist for Lawrence County family court; Greenup family court Judge Jeff Preston; Deputy Richard Mayse of the Carter County Sheriff’s Department; and Michael Craig of Sarah’s Place in Elliott County.

SARAH LYNCH can be reached at slynch@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2650.