Daily Independent (Ashland, KY)

Columns

August 20, 2013

Bit by life’s cruelties

GRAYSON — Ah, life can be cruel. I bit into a biscuit rich with honey and butter the other day and a chunk of my tooth let loose. Now I realize that might be punishment for indulging in the forbidden — I shouldn’t be eating biscuits, honey or real butter — but the end result is that I’m going to be making a call to the dentist.

Ah, the glory days when I was a kid and my teeth were like iron. I loved salt water taffy, the kind you get in souvenir stores at tourist trap locations. So what if it took 10 minutes to eat a piece? I had good, strong teeth.

I loved Heath bars, too. I know they’re still for sale but I’m a little fearful about eating one these days. The hard length of candy beneath the sweet chocolate sounds enticing but I have a feeling my days of chomping those are pretty close to over, too.

My junk drawer in the kitchen holds all kinds of tools, the likes of which I couldn’t be bothered with as a kid.

Seriously, who needs a knife to cut baling twine when your teeth are good?

My teeth were plenty good enough to rip open a box of Cracker Jacks or bag of sour balls. I also well remember those little wax soda bottles. One sipped out the contents before chewing the waxy outside into a little wad

My grandmother on my dad’s side made great popcorn balls. She wasn’t so good at taking out the dud popcorn, though, so it wasn’t uncommon to take a big bite and crunch into a burnt but unpopped kernel.

Nope, that didn’t hurt my teeth at all.

Alas, I’ve never been able to claim to have perfect teeth, though. I spent my fair share of time in the dentist’s chair when I was a kid getting fillings or, after I ran into a bigger kid while roller skating, a root canal to fix a broken tooth.

The kids and I kinda snickered at my dear departed Hubby when he broke off an eye tooth eating toast. I’m pretty sure he’s looking down on me now saying, “Not so funny when it’s you, is it?”

No, it’s not. But there is a silver lining to this particular cloud, I’ve discovered.

I mean, who can blame me for not wanting to smash the poor tooth up completely? Until I manage to get it looked at by a professional, I’ve decided I should take it easy.

Ice cream should be okay, I’m sure. Like in a nice sundae topped with hot fudge and whipped cream.

Tapioca pudding certainly can’t hurt me. Or a big slice of ripe red watermelon.

Enjoying grilled chicken might be tempting fate, I fear, as could a crunchy green salad. I’m certain that if I make a meal of cookies dunked in nice cold milk, no harm will be done.

Same thing with mashed potatoes. And if I happen to need a ladle or two of good cream gravy to give them flavor, so be it.

I’m not sure how long it takes to get into the dentist’s chair to be tortured but I figure it will probably be a couple of weeks. In the meantime, I’ll suck it up and make the best of things.

As in sucking up milkshakes, frothy coffee drinks and, for a little balance in my diet, a nice chocolate-banana protein smoothie.

CATHIE SHAFFER can be reached at cathieshaffer@zoominternet.net

1
Text Only
Columns
  • Uncovering forgotten treasures

    You know the big difference between me and a hoarder? I mean, except that you can walk through my house and there are none of the disgusting aspects of hoarding in my life.
     

    April 14, 2014

  • Political stories worth retelling

    With Kentucky in the midst of the political season, it’s time to share some stories I’ve heard about the art of politicking.
     

    April 13, 2014

  • 0413timbizcolweb.jpg Tim Preston: Great salmon; finding Dr. Amy; and more Maria: 4/13/14

    It isn’t an especially convenient location unless you happen to be going that way, and if you don’t get there within the next couple of weeks you’ll have to wait until fall to try it out, but I had the best lunch I can remember last week at one of the last places you’d likely think of when pondering where to eat.

    April 13, 2014 1 Photo

  • Restaurant horror stories; garden planning tips

    In my couponing classes, I always had fun with everyone by telling them gross restaurant stories. In encouraging them to eat at home more and save their money, I was also teaching them how much cleaner it is.
     

    April 12, 2014

  • Feeling happy is ...

    Anyone hoping the Ashland-Huntington area will soon overtake Disney World as “the happiest place on Earth” will be waiting awhile.
     

    April 10, 2014

  • 0410markcol.jpg Mark Maynard: Brick House (South Ashland Florist) brings in $13K so far: 04/10/14

    Here’s a 14-name salute coming your way:

    April 9, 2014 1 Photo

  • John Cannon: Take this joint, please: 04/09/14

    Some of the things that occurred during our recent week in Jamaica were unexpected and even a bit weird. I suspect those will be the things we will still clearly remember long after the memories of the hours of lying on the beach have faded. I started to mention them in last week’s column, but opted to save them until a later date in the interest of length.

    April 8, 2014

  • AARON SNYDER: March Madness, sadness for Cats

    It’s just another game. That’s the message John Calipari preached profusely throughout the 2014 NCAA tournament. It’s typical coachspeak, but Cal’s young Kentucky team clung to the step-by-step approach to produce atypical results.

    April 8, 2014

  • Sweet thoughts on the season

    So far, I’ve been a good girl. Or a pretty good girl anyway. See, I have this thing for Reese’s peanut butter eggs. Homemade peanut butter eggs? Eh. I can take ‘em or leave ‘em.
     

    April 7, 2014

  • What happened to safety of childhood?

    In the years before air conditioning, we slept soundly and safely with the screen door often unlatched.

    April 6, 2014