Reading in bed is one of my favorite leisure activities. Sometimes books, sometimes magazines. Sometimes they make you fall asleep and sometimes they make you feel better and sometimes they make you laugh out loud.
One of my favorite periodicals is More, a publication aimed at the mature, professional woman. Although I don’t like to think of myself as mature, and despite my age, many wouldn’t call me mature, I do like to think I’m a professional woman.
There is an entire section in a recent issue devoted to the mature man. I’m sure that’s an oxymoron, but I read on.
There’s a chart comparing young men to old men. For instance:
‰Young men tell you what you should do; older men ask you what they should do.
‰Young men don’t read anything that’s not on a screen; old men want to join your book club.
‰A young man will repaint your living room but take no notice of what the color is, while an old man is passionate about which shade of white to select.
The chart showing the male body and how it becomes dilapidated as a man ages was funny but true. Unfortunately, I could see a lot of myself in that chart — less hair on the head, more hair in the ears, failing eyesight, lost muscle tone, the assorted effects of gravity.
I didn’t see a reference to the amount of napping men do as they grow older. I’d really like to know that because the older I get the more I like a nap. A good, long, lazy nap.
No matter how old a man gets, there are things he’ll never learn. The magazine stated those things are:
‰“Fine” is never an acceptable answer to “How does my hair look?”
‰Sometimes simply listening can be more helpful than giving advice.
‰Asking for direction doesn’t compromise his masculinity.
‰The young, attractive waitress is laughing and smiling because she wants a bigger tip.
‰Women, no matter how successful and strong they are, always need to be reassured they are loved.
Yeah, that sounds right.
There is even a section by comedian Kathy Griffin’s 40 Reasons Not to Date a Man Older Than 40. I started to read it, but I fell asleep.
LEE WARD can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or (606) 326-2661.