Daily Independent (Ashland, KY)

Columns

February 9, 2014

02/09/2014 — Lee Ward: Cold weather tips and bad dates

ASHLAND — After reading my tips for staying warm, a caller told me she recommends wearing flannel pajamas under street clothing to stay warm. She said the PJ pants are more comfortable and flexible than pantyhose, which she learned while working in a downtown store decades ago. She said merchants were limited about how well they could heat their stores (it sounds like the 1970s Energy Crisis, but she wouldn’t confirm that), so clerks had to dress for it. She recommended wearing straight-legged or elasticized leg pajamas for a better fit underneath clothing.

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Valentine’s Day might be a day to think about love, but I can’t help but think about disappointment.

So many things to be disappointed by — but I’m going to focus on one thing and share some of the worst dates I’ve had.

‰One of my first dates was arranged by a friend. She actually had a date and wasn’t allowed to go on it unless I went with a date, too, so the young couple arranged for me to “date” one of his friends. We barely spoke to one another all night.

‰I was visiting family in Virginia and my cousin was seriously dating her future husband. Eerily similar to my previous date: her mother wouldn’t let her see her boyfriend while I was there unless I also had a date, so they dug up one of his friends to go to dinner and a movie with me. Only there was no movie. We “parked” and while my cousin and her future husband snuggled and kissed, my date and I sat in the back seat looking out opposite windows of the car.

‰There’s nothing worse than a blind date, right? Except for a blind date your mother sets up for you. He was a medical student and so boring I can’t remember what we talked about. Later, I learned at least three of my girlfriends had had one date with him and also found him too boring.

‰If you want to know what your friends think of you, let them get you a date. A married couple I know asked me to join them and a friend for dinner. I had seen the guy and knew he was pretty cute, but it wasn’t until our date I learned he is a terrible alcoholic. He comes by his nickname, “Duke of Hurl,” honestly.

‰At some point, I decided to try online dating. I met my date for dinner; he was much older than he had led me to think he was — no big surprise. Here’s the shocker: During dinner, he takes my hand and begins putting my fingers in his mouth. I couldn’t get to the ladies room to wash my hands fast enough.

‰So maybe online dating isn’t the way to go. I was out with some friends who ran into some other friends. One of that group was very handsome. Miraculously, he was interested in me. Once the conversation got indepth, I felt as though I was being interviewed for a position as his girlfriend. Come to find out, I was: he was looking for someone to have a baby with.

I’m starting to think we should return to the custom of arranged marriages.

Maybe not. Maybe that would just make the rest of life too predictable.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the happy couples.

To those still looking, lots of luck.

LEE WARD can be reached at lward@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2661.

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