Daily Independent (Ashland, KY)

February 10, 2013

Tammie Hetzer-Womack: Hey, big spender: 02/11/13

Tammie Hetzer-Womack
The Independent

ASHLAND — Mmmm, Thursday is lip-smacking. If you fancy a boy and can’t lay your cards on the table, send a super-secret Valentine. It’s a holiday where simple sincerity is so sweet.

Historically Valentine’s Day might be pagan, but it’s pretty hot. Passionate Americans — YESSSS, like me — are enraptured for this day.

Ahem, this is the paragraph where I advise hubbies, bubbies and beaus to cue in and pay heed: Girls luv us some V-Day.

We post 141 million cards to our dearly devoted on this day — and spend $18.6 billion as a whole. But, according to the National Retail Federation, perhaps we won’t drop as much delicious dough on diamonds, dinner and drama this week.

A gauge to the guys: the average Romeo spends $130.97 on beloved bonbons and all the hoopla for his sweetie pie — that’s a wee bit up from $126.03 last year.

Some Casanovas bargain shop at the watering hole down the road — look for two-for-one dinner promos or maybe spring for a (cheapskate) motel room. Slothful send a free e-card from a cell app.

It’s de rigueur on Valentine’s Day, and language of love is spoken — clearly, at the checkout.

In a recent survey, NRF learned 51 percent of lovers buy candy; close to 37 percent dole pretty posies; around 20 percent of lucky ladies get a ring put on it; while just over 15 percent of sweethearts sport new outfits bought by boyfriends. There’s always a gift card for the remainder of you lazy, procrastinating, clueless dudes …

Men spend 50 percent more than women on such romance. It’s funny, because typical American salary employees get paid Feb. 15. Most chaps are probably broke by now.

So, today, at the heart of infatuation and performance anxiety, for once, I’m cutting gentlemen a break.

I propose a bargain basement priced Valentine’s Day. It requires some clearance creativity, but Cupid’s arrow could be cut-rate.

I ain’t saying love is on sale. I suggest smooth sexiness comes in affordable packages.

This is what women want — a bear hug, smooch and doting sweet nothings. Pricey indulgences aren’t necessary. Most female pets prefer you step out of the familiar, boring, nothing-special-flowers and heart-wrought chocolate box.

Remember back in elementary school as you dropped a tiny, childish, one-liner Valentine in her handmade, pink-glittered

mailbox? Her eyes lit up. What you didn’t know is that little girl dreamed for weeks of the precious pun her crush imparted.

Ponder this — you fill the bed with vintage child cards? How’s that for a “Bee Mine, Bumblebee?”

Grab a poster board, spell out your baby girl’s name in bunches of pastel Conversation Hearts, and hand-deliver it to her office. Serenade her while there.

Build her a wooden birdhouse — tell her she’s your heart song; makes you soar to the starry heavens, and keeps your head in the clouds.

Email her amorously hourly — tell her why she’s the most amazing woman in the universe.

Decorate her car — signs reading “I love you” in hundreds of adoring foreign dialects.

Kidnap her. Take her back to the place you met. Present her with a small book — your love story.

Let’s light Ashland with free love Thursday. I’m on the lookout for the greatest guy.

I always wanted to be a muse …

Sisters, email your dreamy Prince Charming’s delightfully adorable, easy on the pocket, gifts and treasures. Hit my heart up at tammiewomack@roadrunner.com.