Published: October 12, 2009 11:39 pm      

Time to go to Plan B

You read it here first — I’m giving up playing the lottery.

See, for years that has been my retirement plan. One big hit, a few million, and I’d be good until I die. Seemed like an easy way to coast through my declining years.

The lure of a huge Powerball payout had me playing again a couple of weeks ago. Usually, I buy a scratch-off ticket here and there; even winning a free ticket gives me a little thrill.

But when the Powerball went over $100 million, I started putting my wagers on that top pot. Walking away from the convenience store counter, I’m already spending my winnings.

Sadly, my list of what I’m going to do sounds like a repeat of what every real winner says.

Pay off my bills. Remodel my house. Buy the kids new cars. Help my family. Travel.

When the pretty lady on TV announced the winning numbers, I was ready. I wrote down the numbers one after another, then double-checked to make sure I was right.

With great anticipation, I pulled my three tickets from my purse and began comparing numbers, one ticket at a time.

No matches on the first ticket.

Not matches on the second ticket.

One number on the third ticket.

Hope springs eternal, as we all know, and I plunked five bucks down the next time. I justified the expenditure by carrying my lunch to work the next day, dreaming of the catered dinners I’d be enjoying once I was rich.

I forgot what day it was, so I missed the drawing that night. The next morning, I went to the lottery website and pulled up the numbers.

I was even more excited this time. The very first number on the very first ticket was a match.

The excitement soon faded. Yes, I was a loser again ... five times a loser.

That’s when I swore off the lottery. Unfortunately the vow lasted only until a friend asked if I wanted to get into a lottery pool with her and some other people.

Heck, yes. I don’t mind splitting the pot if it means having a ton of tickets in the drawing.

I waited by the phone for an hour after the drawing. I kept my cell phone with me all the next day. Finally, on the third day, I casually sent an e-mail inquiring as to the outcome of our tickets.

We won — a whole buck. And that immediately went to another pool ticket.

Trust me, once I took a long, hard look at how much I’ve spent on the lottery over the years, I’ve seen the error of my ways. Yeah, it may help our schools, but so does buying those $1 candy bars, and I do get something from that.

The few bucks I’d been spending on lottery tickets is going into a savings account now. I figure that if I keep adding and don’t take out, it’s going to be a fairly tidy sum by the time I eventually retire.

And I already have plans for what I’m going to do with this bonus account.

I’m going to pull it all out in quarters and hop on one of those senior citizen charters that fly me right to the Las Vegas strip and all those wonderful casinos with their slot machines.