Published: September 04, 2008 10:35 am            

Chocolate can be a dirty addicition

Having an addiction has many terrible ramifications.

If I have an addiction, it is chocolate ... in all its forms.

In the last few years, I have learned to manage my addiction. Somehow, I can control myself most of the time when I’m around chocolate, even if it’s a hunk of chocolate cake with chocolate icing accompanied by a dip of vanilla ice cream and drizzled with hot fudge sauce.

There are a few tactics one must use to control such a power craving.

1. I keep candy on my desk at work, but not for myself. I keep it for my co-workers and people who come into my office to do business. It’s not chocolate, though. It’s hard candy — good to stifle a coughing fit, which is about the only time I really want a piece of hard candy. After all, it’s not chocolate.

2. At restaurants, share dessert. This way, you can have a little chocolate but you won’t overdo because you have to let the other person have some of it or you’ll look like a pig. Additionally, if you share, your buddy might not want something chocolate, which decreases temptation.

3. Don’t keep chocolate in the house. If it’s not there, you won’t eat it, goes the popular diet advice. Duh. Of course you won’t eat it if it’s not there. If it’s not raining, the ground isn’t wet. If the sun doesn’t come up tomorrow, it won’t be daylight. As silly as it sounds, it’s true.

Late one night during a withdrawal episode, I was rummaging through a kitchen cabinet, hoping to run across an Oreo or some semi-sweet chocolate chips. When I realized there was absolutely no chocolate in the house, I went to bed. I was a little sore about it, but I realized it’s true: If it’s not there, you won’t eat it.

I was so desperate for just a taste of chocolate one night, I prepared the batter for a brownie mix I found in the pantry, just before I remembered my oven wasn’t working.

Then I remembered reading a recipe for a cake that was cooked in a slow cooker. If you can make a cake in a crock pot, surely brownies would bake there, too.

After satisfying my craving with a spoonful of brownie batter, I dumped the mixture into my slow cooker, set it on low, turned it on and went to bed, planning to take the brownies to work in the morning. At 4 a.m., I smelled the delicious aroma and thought I should get up and check on them, but I was too relaxed to crawl out of bed. By 7 a.m., I was up, showered and dressed. That’s when I remembered the brownies.

I found them burned to a black crust. I tried to scoop some out of the center, hoping to salvage a bite or two for later in the day when the need hit me, but even the center batter was as hard as marble.

Disappointed and disgusted with my cooking failure, I filled the crock with water. This was going to take some soaking.

A week later, some thick, scorched remnants remained. Every day, I had dumped out the water and put suds and hot water in it, trying to soak out the mess. Finally, after a soaking in vinegar I rolled up my sleeves and scrubbed.

Now my crock pot is free of burned brownie. The experience of seeing my kitchen appliance in such bad shape was traumatic and may have cured me of trying to make baked goods in a slow cooker. But I’m sure it hasn’t cured me of my love of chocolate.

It might drive me to buying brownies, but just one at a time.

LEE WARD can be reached at lward@dailyindependent.com or (606) 326-2661.

        

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